“There are years that ask questions, and years that answer.” – Zora Neale Hurston
I’ve felt as if the last sixteen months have been quite the roller coaster. I’ve reprioritized my goals, walked down the aisle, moved across the country and have been thrown for a lot of loops along the way. I wont bore you with the details, but trust me when I tell you my life has taken some very interesting turns this year. Today, I think it all caught up to me. So, I did what any girl would do. I had a good cry. You know, the kind of cry that makes noise and doesn’t allow you to breathe. It leaves you puffy, full of mascara and embarrassed if anyone saw or heard the Days of Our Lives pity party coming from your room. This is the first cry I’ve had in months. I’ve been so busy, I haven’t had time to cry. So, in typical girl cry fashion, during my outburst of emotional rain I sent out some texts full of panic and confusion to my “go to” people hoping one of them would solve all my unidentifiable problems. My friend Rachel responded with the above quote, and then her follow up text said, “start the blog.” So, while it should be dedicated to Rachel (thanks friend), my first official blog post is dedicated to questions and answers.
Have you ever had one of those situations that leaves you so confused, sad, lonely and angry? Maybe it was a break up, a death in the family or the loss of a job or a close friend. Whatever the situation may have been, it left you with so many questions. How did this happen? How did I let this happen? Why am I here? What now? Who now? You are left stranded in a never ending sea of unanswered questions. God knows I’m grateful for my friends and family, but no one ever really knows exactly what you are going through. They will say all the right things and try to draw from their own life situations and tribulations. They will tell you, “You will be better off in long run,” or that “God has a plan,” or that “We don’t know why this happened, but one day we will,” or even worse, “Everything happens for a reason.” Sometimes I want to shout, “TELL ME THE REASON! I WANT THE REASON RIGHT NOW BECAUSE THE REASON BETTER OUTWEIGH THIS PAIN, LOSS, LONELINESS AND CONFUSION!” However, I never end up actually shouting any of that. I simply take a deep breath. I take in everything everyone has said, and I believe it. Then once again I am filled with hope, and I get back in the game. The game I love so very much. The game of life, love and yes, even loss. Up until now, I feel as if my whole life has been filled with years that ask questions. There are things that happened six years, six months, even six hours ago that I am dying to know why they happened. What was the lesson, the gain, the loss and the reason? Could this be the year where I finally get answers? After an interesting, gorgeous, rough, blessed, exciting, stressful and eventful thirty-some years and sixteen months, I’m ready for some answers. So, here is to a year of answers.