As I get older… it seems like things get harder…

Maui Photographer

Remember when you were a kid and the toughest decision you would face all month was who you would sit by at lunch or what movie you and your friends would chose to see over the weekend or what prom dress you “had to have?” I remember “Adults” telling me my early years were the best years of my life and that “being an adult was hard.” However, being the “know-it-all” that I was/am, I never believed those people. I just fixed my eyes on how one day when I was an adult, I would be able to eat as much cereal as I wanted whenever I wanted, and that I would be able to stay up as late as I wanted during week days.

Now that I am an “adult,” the truth is… eating cereal causes me to instantly gain weight and feel bad about myself and staying up late just one night causes me to be tired for an entire week. I think it’s safe to say I wish I could go back to the days of worrying about prom dates, homework and arguing with my sisters…

Being an adult can be a bit overwhelming… In fact, my capacity to worry is at an all time high.

I’m a fan of taking ownership. One of my pet peeves is when people blame others for their problems or don’t take ownership for their mistakes or short-comings, so even though I’m pregnant and everyone keeps telling me I’m feeling “emotional” because of my hormones, I’d like to take ownership of my feelings and believe that pregnancy hasn’t messed with my brain and emotions too much. However, I will admit everything seems to be hitting me so hard lately. Everything seems to make me worry; getting on a plane, leaving Nemo (world’s greatest dog) as I go on yet another work trip, leaving Devin (world’s greatest husband) as I set up shop on the east coast to avoid cross country travel at 29 weeks pregnant… I worry about being far from my parents, far from my sisters, far from my nephews. I worry about ordering the wrong thing on the menu, or saying something to one of my students or friends that could hurt their feelings or upset them… I worry that I’m not talking to my unborn son enough or focusing on preparing for his arrival. I worry about the swelling of my ankles, sleeping too much or sleeping too little, what car seat to buy, what laundry detergent is safest… it’s all so overwhelming… where did the worry come from?

Nemo

Today is particularly a hard day for me. I’ve been traveling since the day I found out I was pregnant. Shortly before that we got married, moved across the country and changed everything we knew about our day to day lives. The truth is, I’m tired… I’m tired of being away from my husband and my family who, coincidentally, are on separate coasts of our country. I’m tired of worrying. I’m tired of the unknown, and I’m tired of my lack of strength right now…

If my sisters or friends called me with these worries or woes, I would tell them to pray about everything and to try and change their thought. I would say “acknowledge how you are feeling, but remind yourself what the truth is…” I.E. yes, I’m tired and I miss my husband, but I love my job, my circumstances are only temporary and I’ll be home before I know it… I would remind my friends and sisters that ultimately we are out of control, and therefore, it’s best to enjoy every moment you have. It all seems so logical and obvious that this is the way we should live our lives, but right now I can’t wrap my brain around those thoughts… so instead I called my mom and complained a bit… prayed a bit… cried a bit… stayed in bed a little longer than I should have… yelled at my husband over the phone at 7am his time… and ate an entire box of cereal. You know, all very logical and responsible things to do. Then I wrote this post hoping that it will provide a little release… a little ease… and a little sanity.

5 Comments on “As I get older… it seems like things get harder…

  1. Harder as we get older and somewhat overwhelming at times, yes….But there are so many “joys” that come with this aging process to focus on. (You happen to be one of mine) Trust your instincts and rely on God whose “peace passes all understanding” !

  2. you are favored, loved, and blessed… ❤

    “for i know the plans i have for you declares the lord; plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

    —- jeremiah 29:11

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