what are your intentions?
What are your motivations?
Are you adding love and positivity into the world or drama and conflict?
If there is anything I’ve learned through the years, it’s that expectations, intentions and motivations can break relationships and hearts.
When I was growing up and was grounded or disciplined, it was usually deserved… back talking, a bad test score, etc… typical disciplinarian actions. I would take the grounding (that normally didn’t last too long), pout about it for a day or so, and then bounce back knowing that what I did was “wrong” and that the grounding was necessary. However, there was another “disciplinarian action” that took place in my house that wasn’t so easy to bounce back from… this was when my parents sat me down to let me know their “disappointment” in me and my actions. These conversations always hit me hard. Hearing my dad (or coach or teacher) say he or she was “disappointed in me” always shook me to my core. So it’s no surprise that as I get older and friends or family members disappoint me with their intentions, motivations or lack of concern and care, I once again get shaken to the core. It often gets to the point where I take things too personally.
It makes me question these relationships, and if they are even worth having.
At the end of the day, shouldn’t it be as simple as what our parent, guardian or kindergarten teacher taught us when we were kids… “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”.
Of course as we get older I understand it’s not always so black and white and this elementary lesson becomes more complex and may be interpreted as: If you aren’t adding positivity or support to a situation, take yourself out of it.
And while honesty is key to self-improvement, especially with a spouse, best friend or family member, it should be addressed in a mature conversation. Don’t use the eye for an eye method, revenge, social media or other tactics to ask questions, get results or inspire others to be better. Have a good old fashion conversation.
We should all strongly consider the relationships in our life. If you find yourself stirring up trouble, drama or wanting to see pain or failure or cause conflict in a situation that does or doesn’t involve you, it may be time to reevaluate your actions. Does that person or situation remind you of something you dislike in yourself (i.e. Carl Jung’s “Shadow” theory… look it up… it’s fascinating)? Are you unhappy, and therefore, want to cause unhappiness? Do you believe in an eye for an eye mentality, and if so, where does that get you? Are you jealous of the other persons happiness or success?
Look, we are all human, and if I’m being completely honest, I can tell you that at one time or another in my life I have felt all of those things. However, now that I am finding more and more peace within my life, and who I am and what I have to offer… IF I find myself feeling one of those things towards someone or a situation I walk away and do nothing… While the ultimate goal is to not even have those feelings, I understand that I am flesh and blood, and sometimes I fail… but I am not going to let my lack of personal progress cause drama in someone else’s life. I’m not going to pry, get involved, stir up trouble or nudge someone else to fail either. The trick it to not cause anyone else pain, drama or anger while I’m working on myself. I take myself out of the situation, bite my tongue, pray, let go, move on, have a non confrontational conversation… whatever it takes. While it’s not always easy, it does make it easier to rest my head on my pillow at night, knowing my intentions and motivations are pure and full of love.
So I ask you again… what are your intentions and motivations behind your actions?