I often wonder if I’m doing something wrong.

I’ve loved kids for as long as I can remember. Even when I was a kid I loved kids, so having kids was always in the cards for me. When Devin and I got married, it wasn’t a matter of “if,” it was a matter of “when”. I knew we would have kids, and I would rock motherhood…
However, I’m 14 months into this whole motherhood thing, and this breast feeding, no TV watching, homemade food making mama is wandering if I’m doing something wrong. I’m sure it’s natural to second guess yourself and your choices, but I can count the number of date nights I have had with my husband on two hands and the amount of times I WASN’T the one to put Cash to bed at night since this kiddo was born on one hand. Not to mention the number of times I’ve left the house for “me” time and worried the entire time I was out of the house or checked the monitor on my iPhone to see what he was doing or not doing…
On top of that, it’s hard to have people whisper in your ear with a judgmental tone… “When my kids were babies…” Or “You give Cash apples?” Or “You’re still breastfeeding?!?” Or ” … you’re doing that, not this…?”

Everyone knows first time moms don’t get a dress rehearsal. We dive in on opening night… it’s show time! There is no time to look back, we do what we know, what we’ve researched, what our gut says and are then left wandering “Am I doing something wrong?”
After taking my first official weekend “off” as a mom, (I traveled to LA for a quick gig), I returned to an insanely happy, well rested little boy and a smiling nana and daddy… So the answer is, “No,” I’m not doing anything wrong… Sure I have no free time, my nails are unmanicured, I’m behind on all my television and I haven’t even started season two of The Americans, but guess what… Cash is HAPPY, and even more importantly, healthy (weighing in at 30 pounds and 34″)!

So to all you mamas out there, (especially those, who like me, are ‘stay at home moms’ without nannies — and whatever else has become the “norm” for raising kids these days)… Keep up the great work! Keep doing you and know that I see you and your applesauce stained shirt, unbrushed hair, sleepy eyes and beautiful full heart and smile. I applaud you and your strength, and… NO, you aren’t doing anything wrong. All babies are different, and there is no right or wrong way– there is your way!

4 Comments on “parenting…

  1. Excellent post. So often you hit the nail on the head. Your life will evolve in to what it’s supposed to be for you. Learning to tune out the voices is as crucial in mommy hood, as it is in pageantry! But you know this. 😘

  2. You are such a beautiful mother! Loved this and i’m a witness that bebé Cash is very happy and healthy indeed. You are doing such a great job in raising him=)
    As some mama friends of mine that have returned to the workforce say: “motherhood is the hardest most energy consuming, MOST CHALLENGING THING i have ever done.
    Keep going Joy may 2016 bring so much blessing you can hardly stand it.

  3. I have always been so proud of you for so many reasons, now I am most proud of the mother you have become! And I must say, I appreciate how you listen to my motherly advice then make your own educated and instinctive decisions regarding YOUR child! Times have changed and I have even learned a few things from you! You and your husband are doing a great job with Cash. He is such a “joy” to have around. May God continue to bless you all!!!
    Mom (Nana)

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