the post that started it all

“There are years that ask questions, and years that answer.” – Zora Neale Hurston

image

I’ve felt as if the last sixteen months have been quite the roller coaster. I’ve reprioritized my goals, walked down the aisle, moved across the country and have been thrown for a lot of loops along the way. I wont bore you with the details, but trust me when I tell you my life has taken some very interesting turns this year. Today, I think it all caught up to me. So, I did what any girl would do. I had a good cry. You know, the kind of cry that makes noise and doesn’t allow you to breathe. It leaves you puffy, full of mascara and embarrassed if anyone saw or heard the Days of Our Lives pity party coming from your room. This is the first cry I’ve had in months. I’ve been so busy, I haven’t had time to cry. So, in typical girl cry fashion, during my outburst of emotional rain I sent out some texts full of panic and confusion to my “go to” people hoping one of them would solve all my unidentifiable problems.  My friend Rachel responded with the above quote, and then her follow up text said, “start the blog.” So, while it should be dedicated to Rachel (thanks friend), my first official blog post is dedicated to questions and answers.

Have you ever had one of those situations that leaves you so confused, sad, lonely and angry? Maybe it was a break up, a death in the family or the loss of a job or a close friend. Whatever the situation may have been, it left you with so many questions. How did this happen? How did I let this happen? Why am I here? What now?  Who now? You are left stranded in a never ending sea of unanswered questions. God knows I’m grateful for my friends and family, but no one ever really knows exactly what you are going through. They will say all the right things and try to draw from their own life situations and tribulations. They will tell you, “You will be better off in long run,” or that “God has a plan,” or that “We don’t know why this happened, but one day we will,” or even worse, “Everything happens for a reason.” Sometimes I want to shout, “TELL ME THE REASON! I WANT THE REASON RIGHT NOW BECAUSE THE REASON BETTER OUTWEIGH THIS PAIN, LOSS, LONELINESS AND CONFUSION!” However, I never end up actually shouting any of that. I simply take a deep breath. I take in everything everyone has said, and I believe it. Then once again I am filled with hope, and I get back in the game. The game I love so very much. The game of life, love and yes, even loss. Up until now, I feel as if my whole life has been filled with years that ask questions. There are things that happened six years, six months, even six hours ago that I am dying to know why they happened. What was the lesson, the gain, the loss and the reason? Could this be the year where I finally get answers? After an interesting, gorgeous, rough, blessed, exciting, stressful and eventful thirty-some years and sixteen months, I’m ready for some answers. So, here is to a year of answers.

5 Comments on “the post that started it all

  1. Joy, this is wonderful. I’m so happy to have met you and spent some fun hours at open calls and pageant preps and the VA pageant with you. You are such a role model and inspiration to us all. You are everything I aspire to be and more. Keep being amazing!

    Love,
    Marivi Howell-Arza
    NAM New York Jr. Teen 2012

  2. Joy you have truly touched the hearts of many pageant girls, especially mine. You have always made her feel so special in ways she will never forget. I could not pick a better role model for these girls. You are an inspiration to all. We love and Miss you bunches.

  3. You are so inspiring. I truly enjoyed reading your story. I have always been a fan of yours. From the very first time I met you four years ago, empowering and motivating girls to be their very best, I knew you were someone I wanted my daughter to look up to. Thank you for opening the doors to so many girls. May God Bless you! Mother of Miss Pre Teen Florida.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: